(Cord Magazine's questions are in blue. Artist responses are in grey.)


Okay we now have… we've got this miniature ten-questionnaire kinda thing that's a separate feature that we ask everybody. Kind of unrelated questions to anything.

MATTHEW BARBER : So like, should we go one at a time?

Yeah well, we can get a discussion going.

PAUL KOLINSKI (Guitar) : Let's just go by question and then…

JOEL STOUFFER (Drums) : Should we go clockwise?

Okay lets go clockwise. Um what kind of things do you do when you're on your downtime between recording and touring?

JULIAN BROWN (Bass) : Watch hockey. Watching hockey.

M : Play acoustic guitar.

P : Ride a bike. In Toronto.

JS : Write music.

Vice of choice.

M : Vice of choice…

JS : Ohhhhh. Does coffee count?

P : Abstinence unfortunately.

JS : Java.

M : Yes! That is my vice lately, actually. This tour. Abstinence.

JB : Totally abstinence. Yep. Coffee. I second that.

JS : Ice cream. And Jim Beam.

M : Haha someone's gotta be rock n roll.

JS : I don't always choose my vices.

What's your favourite venue or city to play in?

M : Uh, probably Kingston. The Grad Club.

JS : Likewise. Shout out to Virg!

M : I don't know, I mean I've got … I used to live there and I've played there a bunch of times, and we seem to have the most rowdy, high-energy functions there. Hopefully that will start to spread to other places. That's the goal I guess.

JS : There's a bar... bar manager-slash-promoter who like… well works at the Grad Club in Kingston…

P : Virginia Clark.

JS : Virginia Clark. And she's just, no matter… you could have two people come out to your show, and it could be like, blizzarding outside and it wouldn't matter. You'd have the best show of your life, 'Cause Virg just knows how to treat bands.

P : She's the matriarch of the Kingston music scene.

JS : Oh yeah, perhaps!

P : By the way, are all the crunching sounds making it into the article?

(the band has been feasting on apples and chips the entire time)

Probably.

P : **Crunch crunch** It seems we're eating very loudly.

It's mostly gonna be a transcript I think, but you know… uh, what issues and aspects of the world most concern you these days, with all the shit that's going down?

JS : I would say partisanship. Yeah I've been reading tons of articles about globalization in like Harper's and the New Yorker and, it's been freaking me out a little bit.

M : Yeah I think the sort of sharpening difference between people who are really passionate about a traditional, old way of life versus people who are almost obsessed with the speed of technological advances, and those are completely opposite forces it seems. Increasing the tension just across the world. And it's probably like half the world's population… no it's probably even a bigger than half of the world's population that's… well…

JB : If you count it by bodies rather than by dollars…

M : I don't know actually.

JB : It would be far larger.

M : I don't really know how many people in, you know, quote unquote, third world, or developing countries, really would prefer to just maintain, you know, be less technological in their form of life. And that's one of the things that I definitely grapple with, you know, trying to figure out what it means to the world political scene. Do people want this western way of life or not? Like we seem to think it's so great and the only way basically, you know, even if we don't actually preach that. I mean one of us going to a third world country would probably just kind of look around and be like, wow, first reaction would probably be, how do these people get on with their lives? The standard of living is so radically different, but maybe if you spent some time there, you'd realize they were happy. I'm getting off track, I'm going on a tangent.

P : I guess for me the light of globalization and I guess, for lack of a better word, the backlash, the newfound cases of nationalism all over the place, and that's you know, just for the purpose of like asserting a culture against the westernization of everything. But the problem with that is that it seems to be becoming a very us-and-them kind of world and the nationalism leads to… it could… the ultimate end is fascism. And like what happened, I guess, after the First World War, how we couldn't have possibly done this wrongfully. Anyway, what am I talking about?

(laughter)

P : I'm just afraid of people, you know, like, more differences among people, you know, like a…

JS : But I think that should be celebrated. I think nationalism's necessary…

P : It's the 'we're better than you' kind of nationalism, that's what nationalism is. Patriotism is another thing.

JS : No that's quote-unquote globalization. That's what America thinks, that like they, that they want to impose their way of life on the world.

P : That's what nationalism is creating after that, because I mean that's when people start … anyway. This is Matt's interview.

(laughter)

What's one interview question you could care less to ever hear again?

M : Um, how does your philosophy degree affect your songwriting?

P : So how does your…?

JS : Hahaha.

M : I think you might be the first person who hasn't asked that.

JB : What kind of music do you play? That's one I could never hear again.

P : So when did you decide to sound like Sam Roberts?

Somebody didn't actually ask that did they?

M : No no no no.

Okay, phew. That would be terrible.

P : Not in so many words.

JB : Move on!

All right, let's carry on.

P : I've never been interviewed before, so I don't have a favourite question.

Uh what's your favourite Saturday morning cartoon? What was, as a child?

JS : The Raccoons.

Excellent!

M : Oh that's a good one, I forgot about that one.

JB : G-Force.

M : I dunno. I can remember what I used to like to watch on Sunday mornings. That religious show with the dog that talked. [makes dopey voice for a moment]. What was that all about? I really, really liked that.

I don't know if I know that one. Was it on cable access or something?

M : It was kinda... it had these religious sort of morals. They showed it on Sunday morning so that if you skipped church or something, you still get a dose of religion.

JS : Loony Toons for me. I grew up with that one. That's a classic.

It's so demented, hey? How did they get away with that?

JS : Yeah, it's almost funnier now than when I was a kid. There's things you cant get when you're a kid when you're watching.

P : I liked The Raccoons because it was full of that stuff! Full of stuff that kids could not possibly get.

M : I always liked The Raccoons too. I remember seeing them… The Raccoons, were they just mostly like specials? Or did they have a regular…?

No it was on like… Monday nights at seven o' clock, that's what I remember.

P : [quoting show] Two-timing, crazy, back-stabbing bacon bits!

JS : I just loved it 'cause, I loved the intro when they're flying around in that like home-made like airplane thing…

Yeah!

JS : That was what hooked me in every time. I don't know why but as a kid, anything that was flying…

M : What were the bad guys' names? Snarks or snorks?

P : No no Sneer.

JS : Sneeeeer!

P : Cyril Sneer.

JS : Cyril Sneer yeah!

M : What happened to The Smurfs? You don't see reruns of that anymore. I liked The Smurfs too.

JB : Gargamel!

I think that just got a little too weird for everyone. One girl, all those guys…

JB : And the cat always said what Gargamel said except in meows. Like he was saying "Meow meowww…"

JS : Or was it like the parents on the Loony Toons with the trombone… " wohh wohh wohh wohh wohh…"

JB : That's Charlie Brown.

JS : Oh that's Charlie Brown, oh my gosh, yes, sorry. I always mix that up.

P : Shroeder! On Charlie Brown. Who was the one who was hitting on him all the time, except he was like the musical genius?

JB : Lucy. Wasn't it?

JS : Lucy.

JB : Or was it Marcy? That was in love with Shroeder… I can't remember. I digress…

P : I used to be called Pigpen when I was a kid.

(laughter)

JB : That's hilarious.

M : You still are!

P : What are you talking about? I shower more than all of you guys put together!

M : That's true, that is true.

P : It's more a state of mind than in cleanliness.

JB : Linus? No Linus was the one with the blanket.

JS : Oh yeah. He was in love with Shroeder?

Well that's a whole other topic here.

JS : Wait, was Pigpen a character?

P : Yeah he always had the dirt lines around him.

JS : Right okay. Okay yeah yeah.

P : It wasn't actually on him. He just had this cloud of dust around him. This aura.

All right, what did you guys want to be when you were growing up, besides musician?

P : Paleontology.

JB : Hockey player.

M : Hockey player.

JS : I really had nothing else. My dad was a musician and… I swear to God, my earliest memories are sitting around a piano bench you know, or playing with my dad's old '70's synthesizers and getting crazy sounds so… I don't really… I mean, every week was a new like passion, wasn't it?

JB : Yeah.

JS : Like you see a movie about a firefighter and you want to be a firefighter, and then you see a movie about an astronaut and you wanna be an astronaut.

P : No way, I was hardcore into dinosaurs.

JS : Yeah?

P : Yeah. Sharks and dinosaurs.

Did you guys ever… well obviously you did something to attain that [music], but did you guys ever do much like… like did you play hockey, and try and go for it, or…?

M : I played hockey pretty seriously until I was like 17 I guess. And I played intramural hockey in university. I was pretty into it, but then I realized that I wasn't quite cutting it.

How about you?

P : No I guess I figured my best shot was at music and when I discovered I couldn't make a living, I started riding a bike.

[Pause] Okay.

JS : He makes money riding a bike.

M : Paul's a bike courier.

Ahhhh okay now it makes sense. "I just ride bikes… forget about money…"

P : It passed the time. I'll just ride bikes. They'll think I'm doing something.

(laughter)

If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be and what would you hope to accomplish?

M : Oooh. That's harsh.

JB : I'm gonna say Condoleezza Rice and I'd like to accomplish a little bit of truth. Today. 'Cause I think she's all right, but I think that she's in a bind. And that she's not going to be able to disclose what's really happening, and that's a shame.

P : Uhhh Jack DeJohnette. I'd love to play with Keith Jarrett. Oh um. Drummer. Wonderful musician.

JS : God, I have no idea man, that's a hard question. Living or dead?

Oh, either.

P : You wanna be dead?

Yeah, or… I guess you have to clarify when you want to be that person. I'd say you could go either though.

JB : Or future man. Or future.

JS : I'd like to be anyone who attended the famous Charlie Parker, the quintet show at Massey Hall in… what year was it?

JB : Fifty…four? Seven or something?

P : No, no Charlie Parker was dead by then.

JS : Oh yeah, it was '47? '53?

P : '51 or '53. But everybody was at the boxing match… Joe Louis, in Toronto, so Massey Hall was like less than half full.

JB : Well no, that boxing match was in Detroit or something, but there was a snowstorm also, so people stayed in and listened to it on the radio.

P : Charlie Parker was playing a plastic saxophone.

JS : Yeah he sold his actual saxophone for smack.

P : You can run that; it's already been printed.

Don't start rumours, shhh!

P : Rumour about a dead guy…

JS : But it's pretty powerful that somebody can play a plastic instrument and still, you know, be a part of one of the most historically profound moments in jazz history.

P : Oh that's even better! I'd rather be, like say whoever produced like, Thelonius Monk.

JS : Oh, like Teo Macero.

P : Yeah, Teo Macero. Like just sitting in the… I can imagine just sitting in the …

(giant laughter)

M : Yeah I'll say, [NHL goaltender] Ed Belfour just to know what it's like to be between the pipes in front of 20,000 people and have you know, the best players in the world shootin' at you. Just see if I can stop anything. That'd be cool.

Okay this question requires concentration. Listen carefully. A shark and a bear fight. Here are the rules.

M : A shark and a bear.

A shark and a bear. There's just enough water for the shark to live - just enough for it to swim a round and be submerged. There's a small rock in the middle of the water in which the bear is standing. Neither one has been trained, neither one has been fed for a few days. Who wins?

JS : And why?

Well sure, if you want to elaborate, go ahead.

JS : The bear.

P : He's got the upper hand! Or paw! Like all he has to do is go Kcch! [smacks hand] And like that's it.

Have you seen footage of a great white shark leaping out of the water to attack?

M : Oh it's a great white shark?

Yeah.

JS : Doesn't matter, because the bear's too insidious.

P : He doesn't have enough water to leap out of!

M : Great white sharks are a lot bigger than bears.

P : No not necessarily.

M : Yeah.

(A cell phone festively rings)

That's happy.

JS : Yeah are we in the islands now?

What a pleasant ring.

JS : I feel like I'm in the Caribbean.

JB : Yeah I'm saying bear.

Bear? The bear's winning by a landslide.

JB : Yeah.

P : It's 'cause the bear's on a high level.

(Barber in the background is going, "Hello Evan. Hello? Can you hear me? What's up? You want us now? Okay bye. We'll be right there." Evidently they are to start soundcheck soon.)

M : We gotta …are we almost done?

Yeah we have one more question after this one. Do you have a consensus on the bear or the shark?

M : Okay sorry. I'm I think uhhh… I'd like to think the bear can take the shark. But if it's a great white shark, I think the bear probably wouldn't be able to do much to the shark. Since he's bigger and all that.

Final question. If you could ask me one question, what would that question be?

(massive laughter)

JS : Zing!

P : Well this one's a question for Matt.

JS : Nice, I like that!

M : What's the question?

P : If you could ask one…

M : Are you a natural violet?

A natural violet???

(laughter again)

M : Is that not violet? Mauve? What do you call that? [He's referring to my hair colour.]

It's kind of… pinky. I don't know.

JS : Uh oh uh oh you said the wrong colour man!

No I'm not.

M : I don't know what it is. It's not violet.

JS : Under this light it looks violet…

Yeah the light is kinda weird in here. Yeah it does look strange. Um no no, I'm afraid not.

M : No I know. I like your hair though.

Thank you.

M : It goes well with your shirt.

Oh yes, that faded pink colour. Okay well I guess that's it! You guys gotta head down there and take care of business.

M : Yeah yeah.

JS : Bye now!

Elsewhere

By Andy Scheffler
Photos : Andy Scheffler
Published : April 22, 2004.