You know what I really like? Ice cream. No not in the like like kind of way; not in the stay up late at night and dream the picture of ice cream pinned to my ceiling will fall from heaven kind of way. I like ice cream like a skinny kid likes ice cream, so yeah, not even like a fat kid does…so I guess I only kind of like ice cream. My friend likes having a beer and a milkshake. That’s made from ice cream and I think that’s a good idea. In fact I’d love to have a beer and a milkshake right now. In fact I will.

I think I feel sorry for vanilla ice cream. It’s just vanilla, you always have to add something to vanilla to make it more exciting. That’s why there are flavours like Cookies and Cream or Chocolate Ripple, to make the vanilla more appealing to fat kids. They think it’s good for them so they stay away. Oh yeah, here’s where I get to the point. Watching Jet is kind of like having the ice cream makers decide they only want to make vanilla ice cream from now on. Wholly shit are they boring. When you get a band of vanilla rockers playing vanilla songs you’d think they’d throw a guy some Chocolate Ripple, maybe even some fancy vanilla. But no, they stuck with the Safeway style vanilla, the kind that comes in that cardboard box that makes it impossible to get a decent scoop without getting it all over your hands.

You know what’s even more frustrating than the whole ice cream thing? When the ice cream makers decide to get so fucked up they can’t even finish the batch. They make 95% of the ice cream but decide to let the other 5% go to shit. Or they get all the ingredients right but make the box for it with only three sides. Then you have the ice cream on your hands again. I really hate that. Where do these ice cream makers get off? Who do they think they are? Drunk rock stars.

Hmm, kind of like watching The Vines. With an already shaky reputation as a live band, The Vines made sure everyone knew they couldn’t give a shit about a so-called “live show”. After only a 45 minute set of mumbling at the crowd and swearing at the security guards up front, Craig Nicholls decided he had enough of singing completely off-key and to himself. It will be a shame when he becomes the next over indulged singer to be found clinging to life. With a strong sophomore album in Winning Days, The Vines could have compelled themselves to a respectable level. Not the case. What they did instead is take a crowd initially singing their praises, and left them unsatisfied and disappointed.

The ice cream makers of Canada have done what the musicians of Australia of The Aussie Invasion Tour couldn’t. Make a good scoop of vanilla and leave me satisfied. Mmm, vanilla.

Elsewhere

By Jack Libby
Photos : Andy Scheffler
Published : May 27, 2004.