(Cord Magazine's questions are in blue. Artist responses are in grey.)


Now we've got a separate feature that we do, ten sort of random questions that we ask every single person.

Oh no.

They're not that random. Don't worry.

Political?

One could potentially touch on politics, but it doesn't have to. What do you do when you're on your downtime when you're not recording or touring?

Uh, you know what, it's weird. When I'm at my house I'm kind of always working on some type of art. Like I don't… lately I've been making little movies. Like short films, like horror films and stuff with my…

Out in the woods?

Yeah yeah! I been, yeah, I got this camera and I've been freaking out about it. I love it, so I'm making these little movies. And I've been making videos for my own songs on my records just for fun. Little ones that I'm gonna put on my website. So there'll be videos for all kinds of songs that are just made at home by me. And that's really fun. What else? I just bought an old Camaro. Been working on that. That's about it.

Vice of choice.

Vice of choice. Um. Red wine.

Good answer. Favourite city or venue to play in.

Favourite city or venue. Aw man, I love San Fransisco and the big suckers. San Fran and New York are so cool. San Fransisco's like a really cool city. Um, favourite venue, favourite venue, I would say Wakefield, a place called the Black Sheep in Wakefield, Quebec. It's out in the woods on a lake and when you sit in the audience and watch the band, they play in front of this window that overlooks the lake and then at the end of the night, at one in the morning, the bar lets out and everyone goes swimming. So it's like you go see your favourite band there and then you go swimming with them afterwards. It's hysterical. That always turns into a big... yeah it's fun. That's a neat place. And you can take a steam train there too. It's pretty neat.

Do you notice big differences between audiences in different cities?

As far as people go, they're all the same. But I have bigger audiences in certain cities. I do really well in cities like Toronto and here… and Saskatoon no one comes. Absolutely no one. I can't, I can't… I don't know what's going on in Saskatoon. I'm cursed.

We gotta get the word out up there.

Yeah.

This is the one that could potentially be political, but that's up to you. What kind of issues and things like that concern you about the world these days?

Uh guns. You know. The NRA. I hate the NRA. And I wrote a song about that on my new record, uh, you know, I'm concerned that, like when I was talking about how, I'm concerned about art dying, or just becoming such shit that it's not good anymore. Like what I was talking about before. I say this. Buy more music. Go buy a painting. Go see a play. Do something like that. Not just music. Go buy a piece of art. Go to the art gallery. Pay money to go in and look at the art. It's great. Buy less gas. (laughs) The guy who just bought a Camaro. The biggest gas-guzzling car in the world. Sorry.

Well you just sit and admire it a lot right?

Yeah it's just for fun, it's a fun car. I don't commute with it or anything. Okay, so what were you saying?

Favourite Saturday morning cartoon. What was?

Oh dear.

I don't think they have Saturday morning cartoons anymore.

Do they?

I don't know, not many.

Theyre all computerized. Um, Saturday morning cartoons. I don't know. Hey remember the skunk? The little skunk? Pepe Le Peu? And he was always like… you watch him now and he's just like this slimy pervert guy. Right? He's always like chasing the women around and he won't let them out and he locks them in the rooms. He's so creepy! At the time it was funny and now it's like, man, that'd be a lawsuit, like sexual harassment! All those classics, the like Wile E. Coyote and stuff, that's always it. But when I was a kid, we used to always run home from school at lunch to watch Leave It To Beaver and Batman. Batman was great.

Popular one.

Yeah well when you're a 14 year old boy you just run hoping that Catwoman will be in one of them. Batgirl! Batgirl or Catwoman will be in one of them.

If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be and what would you hope to accomplish?

Trade places with anyone for a day, wow. Ooh. Maybe an astronaut. I just saw the IMAX movie of all the guys up on the space station. It was really cool. That'd be… I'd like to do something like that. I'd like to go to the space station, see the earth from another angle.

What did you want to be when you were growing up, besides musician?

Musician. That's it.

That's it?

Yup.

Wow. Okay. Next question… what's a question you could care less to hear again?

Why did you call the record The Invisible Man? (chuckles) No no… is that your next question?

No.

No… Uhhh question I never want to hear again. I don't know! I don't... there's not one that I keep getting nailed with… that's the one 'why did you call the record that' and 'why did I take a break.' Those questions are asked to me every single time and you haven't asked either of them. I'm so happy!

This is slightly involved, so listen carefully.

There's a train leaving…

No, there's a bear.

Oh dear.

(laughs)

A black bear, a polar bear?

A grizzly bear and a great white shark. And they fight.

Grizzly bear, great white shark.

The water for the shark is just big enough, deep enough, wide enough for it to exist, and there's a rock in the middle of the water that the bear is standing on, just large enough for him to stand on. Neither's been trained, neither's been fed for a few days. Who wins?

Wait let me get this straight. There's a tank with a shark in it.

Yeah.

The bear's standing on the rock in the middle.

Yeah.

They're not friends.

Nope.

They're both hungry.

Both hungry.

Well the shark can't get at the bear. The bear can get at the shark. Can the bear jump from the rock to the outside of the tank and avoid the shark?

No.

Who… is there an answer to this?

Not really. It's just a mind game.

I think the bear and the shark should get in cahoots and make a plan… they should befriend each other and make a plan so when the… are they in a zoo? I don't know… so they pretend to be dead and then when the zoo keepers come they both attack them! (laughing all the while) I don't know, what a crazy question, but I like that. I think... who would win? Zoinks. You know what? I think the bear would win. Because the shark, he can bite, but that's it, he can only bite. And he can't grab and scratch with his legs. He doesn't have any. He's just a big sloppy fish. But the bear could jump on his back and just start kickin' maulin' bitin' everything. (laughs) What a horrible image.

It didn't actually happen, but okay. The bear's been popular, and we've had one vote for the rock.

The rock would win!

Yep.

The bear would win, he has better vision, he can attack from above. Shark wouldn't see it coming.

Okay. Um, final question. If you could ask me something, what would it be?

(chuckles) Do you think anyone's gonna come tonight?

Sure!

Tuesday nights?

I know a couple people who are coming down already.

Really?

Yeah.

Well okay uhhh I don't know if that's what I'd ask you.

Okay. You can ask another if you'd like.

Are you gonna write a nice article about me?

Of course.

All right, right on. Yeah.

Elsewhere

By Andy Scheffler
Photos : Andy Scheffler
Published : June 7, 2004.