Having our interview cut short already by their looming set time, I had to catch up with On The Speakers after their show to do up the ten questions. When I walked into the back room a few minutes after receiving an invite to join them there by guitarist Scott Ford, they were all clumped into a pile on one of the benches, with a digital camera perched on an overturned pint glass that was sitting in the middle of a bar stool across from them. I let the timer on that shot go off, and then they convinced me to snap a bunch of photos of them with that camera instead of just having to pose in front of a stationary lens and hope they all got in the frame.

When they had their fill of that, singer Ian Sefchick disappeared suddenly, and I was left with Ford, bassist Dan Horne, and drummer Anthony Improgo, to go through the list.

(Cord Magazine's questions are in blue. Artist responses are in grey.)


What do you guys do on your downtime between recording and touring?

ANTHONY IMPROGO : What downtime?

Vice of choice?

DAN HORNE : I play tennis, he plays tennis. The white people play tennis and Anthony…

A : I work on my Mac.

D : Is a web tech.

A : I bought a G4.

SCOTT FORD : No no but… you and I play tennis. Ian builds electronics. And Anthony works on websites.

A : Well you can put… I've been doing a lot of design lately.

S : Oh you have not! He's so lying.

A : I designed the cover!

(argument)

D : Anthony lies. That's what he does in his offtime. He lies in interviews.

A : Oh man, you don't know... they still think I'm Chinese!

S : No no that has nothing to do with that! It has to do with like you feel the urge to tell people you do stuff that you don't really do when you don't need to man, we already like you the way you are!

A : Shut up!

S : We do!

Hey we don't want to get into arguments here guys.

A : No… that's it, I'm gonna…..

(they all run over and attack Ford)

S : That's assault!

Vice of choice.

D : What's that?

S : Bad stuff.

It doesn't have to be bad.

S : I think I can just list off everybody's. Okay Ian… beer. He drinks too much. Anthony. Work. He works too much. Dan is afraid to admit that he has no vices. And me… I always have to be with people. I have to be with like a girl or somebody.

D : We're not like crackheads or anything.

Favourite venue or city to play in.

D : I like Birmingham, Alabama.

A : I'd say the Troubadour.

S : Yeah that's fun. The Fillmore.

What issues and aspects of the world most concern you these days?

S : I would say for starters trying to get [drinks] while on the road.

What's an interview question you could care less to hear again?

S : What the hell do you guys think you're doing up there? We made that up.

D : I think it would be um, what question do you like the least…

A : Oh that would have been such a great picture, look at that!

(Anthony is snapping more digital photos while I'm talking)

Awww, it's all your fault.

A : I know…

What was your favourite Saturday morning cartoon? Oh man…

D : Fat Albert.

Fat Albert, right on, first time we've heard that one.

A : Robotech.

D : That wasn't Saturday morning, that was after school. That wasn't Saturday morning cartoons, man.

S : Wasn't um… the Justice League one…

D : Oh yeah yeah.

S : What was it though, what was that called?

Justice League of America.

(The French Kicks guys, who just finished their set, appropriately kick open the door violently, shocking everyone)

Whoa!

S : How was it?

FRENCH KICKS' JOSH WISE (GUITARS/KEYS) : Fuckin… Yeah man it was fun.

Besides musican, what did you guys wanna be when you were growing up… you've heard these all now (directed at French Kicks singer Nick Stumpf).

D : What was the question?

(repeat)

S : Uh… um… shemale prostitute.

A : Is Jamie Lee Curtis a hermaphrodite?

Am I supposed to definitely know the answer to this? I've never even pondered that before.

D : I think she's had some operations. Like she was born with both.

Well that's my new tidbit for the day. If you could trade places…

A : Ian. Errrr Scott. Chicks.

D : You.

Awww that wins points. All right, a shark and a bear fight. There's a pool with just enough water for the shark to exist, and a small rock in the middle just big enough for the bear to stand on. Neither's been trained, neither's been fed for a few days. Who wins?

S : I think I'd be George Bush and I'd step down and say I'm sorry to everybody for what I'd done. Apologize. It was all a bad idea, I'm sorry I'm out of here. Bill Clinton come on back.

...Shark + bear.

(Anthony's taking pics… I tell him to email them to me.)

S : I think the shark.

D : No they decide they really love each other and they hug and they have sex and they make a crazy sharkbear creature. That takes over the world and kicks all the humans' ass.

Sefchick's contribution to this segment is from the actual interview, during a breakdown where they started grilling me about a number of things...

IAN SEFCHICK : What's your favourite band that you've interviewed?

My favourite band to interview was moneen.

I : moneen? Like, their music you liked the best, or of the bands…

The interview itself I liked the best.

I : Oh yeah, what happened?

They're just… they're kinda nuts. They're a band from Toronto, and you'd think based on the music that they'd be kind of low-key dudes, but they're not. They're insane...

S : Were they like fucked up when they did it?

No I think they're totally straight-edge.

S : Oh really?

Yeah they're just a lot of fun. They're doing like impromptu rap sessions and leaping off buildings and…

I : Maybe that's what we should do in our next one.

They're a hard one to top. But my favourite band that I interviewed was Muse.

I : Oh wow, you interviewed Muse, that's cool.

D : Well we're not that fun because we had to finish all our weed before we crossed the border.

Elsewhere

By Andy Scheffler
Photos : Andy Scheffler
Published : June 24, 2004.